Can you speak CSR report?

Inspired by post on Twitter : RT @MBernhart via @BSDConsultingCL funny consultant-speak : http://tinyurl.com/knwrzy

The author of the tweeted article highlights jargon such as "sandboxing" ideas, "iterations", "bus theory" for what happens if you get hit by a bus, and "socializing" ideas as a term for discussing them with clients. I have now gleefully added all these to my repertoire (I mean, when in consultantland… right ?)
I decided to see who speaks CSR report.

• Creating value: This means making profit. Making profit means someone bought your product. In this way you created value for them.
• Eco-friendly workplace: All the windows are locked so as to conserve air-conditioning efficiency
• A challenging period: The most significant financial crisis since the Wall Street crash
• Sustainable product responsibility is a complex task: No data reported
• We maintain dialog with a wide range of stakeholders: We conduct employee and customer surveys once a year
• We are committed to a diverse workforce: Some of our managers are women
• We are committed to employing more women in senior positions: Very few, if any, of our senior managers are women
• All our operations are carbon neutral: We have purchased loads and loads of carbon offsets
• We work closely with our suppliers to help them manage their own impacts: We ask them if they obey the law or pollute the environment (but we do not necessarily listen to the answer)
• Investing in communities is an integral part of our strategy: We donate money to charitable causes to inflate end-year budgets
• We are committed to managing our business transparently: This applies to information already in the public domain
• As part of our efforts to save the planet, this report is only available on- line: We ran out of budget for printing

and let's not forget the all time classic: our employees are our most important asset …. (I won't even comment on that one!)

There are many platitudes and standard report jargon in sustainability reporting. Sometimes it's frustrating and erodes trust. Sometimes it's hard to avoid as it represents a genuine management approach which is difficult to express any other way. Reporters must take care to ensure that the jargon serves to reinforce substantiated advancement in an aspect of csr practice, and is followed thru with performance data and relevant examples.

Now that I have iterated all of that, and socialized this idea with you all, I would just like to offer a quick method for creating standard report-speak (cannot recall where I got this from years ago)

0	balanced	Management	contingency
1	total	Organization	Hardware (or software)
2	integrated	reciprocal	projection
3	compatible .	monitored	time-frame
4	synchronized... .	digital	concept
5	optimal	modular	programming
6	responsive .	transitional	mobility
7	functional	Incremental	capability
8	parallel	third-generation	flexibility
9	systemized	policy	options

Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding words from the above grid, e.g: no. 664 and 506 : We adopt a responsive transitional concept with optimal management mobility for embedding gender mainstreaming in our business
This will guarantee that your report will be so full of meaningless phrases words that stakeholders will believe everything you write. A little like talking consultant, right?

(Regular consumption of Chunky Monkey is a helpful antidote to uncontrolled use of jargon. Not gonna sandbox that!)

elaine cohen is the joint CEO of BeyondBusiness, a leading reporting and social-environmental consulting firm . Visit our website at: www.b-yond.biz/en