Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Humor in Crisis: Tesco on the Grill

While researching this article for CSRwire's Talkback blog, on the story about 29% of horse DNA found in frozen "100% beef" burgers sold by Tesco (and some other retailers), I was looking through the Tesco Facebook page, which has now turned into probably the biggest respository on the internet of horse jokes. Despite the sad failure of Tesco to deliver on it's promise of quality, safety and integrity, this page is (sadly) very amusing. As a therapeutic respite from the daily grind, I thought you might be interested to see some of the jokes that are flying around (unedited, except for punctuation here and there, plus my links to references that not all may be familiar with). The creativity and humor in adversity is quite something to see. And I only managed to scan about 1,500 of the thousands of  recent comments on the page. Apologies in advance if this offends horse-lovers. I couldn't help smiling even though I love horses and really, it's not funny at all......

Patrick Sharkey: Tesco is giving away treble points for petrol and burgers in a promotion called "only fuels and horses"
Emily Stewart Can I have a horse to go, please?
Michael Ryan: An awful dose of the trots
Luka Cusick Knight Your horse burgers are bad... You should try quarter pandas
Serge Warner: Have Tesco considered stocking Red Rum and Raisin ice cream?
Rach Best: Tesco, your burgers gave us the gallops
Simon Tucker : I was in the Tesco cafe ordering my food and the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger, So I had a fiver each way.
David Turmon Griffiths: Gotta say beefburgers dont make very good horses d'oevers
Michael Sharp: Is this a case of Tesco failing to "meat" their obligations?
Tim Stone: A horse! A horse! my kingdom for a horse! Sorry King Richard, the best we can do is saddle you up to a Tesco burger
Jordan Duguid I just feel sorry for the guy that ate a burger and is now in hospital! Don't worry doctors say he's in a STABLE condition
John Fitzsimmons: (Scottish accent) It's neighhh big deal
Tim Stone: I just loaded up my car with Tesco burgers. It has more horsepower now!
Hoffmeister Bear: I heard there may be a problem with Cadburys products - I've heard about something called a Horse Wispa.....
Jodie Young what will I do with this 200 burgers I've been saddled with
Adam Glover: stop Horseing around
Brian Jermaine Mbofana: So does this validate the saying 'am so hungry I can eat a horse' lol
Clare Frances Tesco i thank you this is better than tv for now
Trevor J Coonan the horse has already (been) bolted
Craig-Emily Coldwell White After having one of your burgers earlier my throat is starting to feel a bit hoarse lol
Andrew Ross Don't mean to brag but I'm hung like a Tesco Burger!
Julie Dickson When your labels read "May Contain Nuts" were you talking about pony nuts?
Aiden Pants I've tried Sainsbury's and Tesco burgers and I have to say Tesco wins by a nose.
Tim Stone tesco horseburgers... may contain traces of jockey
Tim Stone i wonder whats in their hot dogs
Maria HD Went to the freezer to check my burgers... and they're off!
Kevan Toner New offer: If you lead a horse to tesco you get a free drink..
Kevan Toner A mate just gave me a present, I unwrapped it and it was a pack of Tesco burgers. Well, you should never look a gift horse in the mouth so I'm not complaining...
Stevie Bee They're just flogging a dead horse here
Ashley Cleaver This apology is not neighly enough, the whole story has made me very saddle.
James Carrigan hay hay, whats all this then,
Nick Spinks Those burgers are a stable diet
Al McKenzie What's in the horseradish sauce then?
Joe Donnellan never mind, the sales are still stable...
Paul Rawson This is nothing compared to donkey meat in the sausages and this is straight from the horse's mouth...
Richard Philip Belcher If you just repackaged them in my little pony brand burger boxes no one would complain... or would they?
Tim Stone removing the burgers from the shelf is like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted
Joshua William Smyth What's the beef
Karen Patten Maybe they were meant for the galloping gourmet
Pia Long What did a Tesco butcher say when it found My Little Pony in the line for slaughter? Every little helps!
lin Skitt I do their new Black Beauty range of Burgers I've read the book I've seen the film now eat the cast.
Anak Rantau You are what you eat. You're all horses now! Haha
Lee Hobbs Tesco Burgers are low in salt but high in Shergar.
Jamie Hynam Traces of zebras found in Tesco barcodes
James Zutaten Tesco value burgers are a clear outsider but they win by a nose
Mike Acton That explains why I always felt like going out for a gallop round the block , after eating burgers for tea....
Gerard Grimalt Has anyone tested the veggie burgers for Uniquorn yet?
Kayleigh Nuray To eat or not eat a Tesco burger? That is equestrian
Rob Carver Tesco own brand = show winning quality
Tim Stone hmmm sea horse in the fish fingers?
Ian Hatfield shame on you tesco, i've just seen a three legged horse
Rob Carver You need to jump some hurdles to get over this embarrassment
Gillian Cookson Nedelcu This '"Ascot" to stop!
Tim Stone ok ok ok no more burger jokes... time to 'rein' it in
Rusty Oxide Modern Nursery Rymes #1.
Horsey horsey dont you stop
Or you'll end up in a Tesco shop
Your tail goes swish, the wheels go round
Giddy up horsey your a quarter pound...

Tim Stone now i know what the acronym tesco means... tesco's equestrian select choice offal, every little helps
Brian Smith Good thing about the horse jokes its stopped all that sick stuff about jimmy saddle. Its gone on furlong enough
David Debbie Pass Neigh lad , it's got me eating carrots now
Steven Ratcliffe They're still on sale in my NEIGHbourhood...
Nicky Nobbs Going to take you a while to get over this hurdle...
Andy Churchill I wonder if the addition of horse meat will help me run quicker?

Even Tesco was involved in the horse-jokes fiasco when their pre-scheduled Twitter account tweeted "It's sleepy time so we're off to hit the hay! Talk about from the frying pan into the fire..... sounds like not only Tesco's horseburgers but also Tesco people have been well and truly barbecued... guess this will add a little (equine) flavor to their next Sustainability Report.....

elaine cohen, CSR consultant, winning (CRRA'12) Sustainability Reporter, HR Professional, Ice Cream Addict. Author of CSR for HR: A necessary partnership for advancing responsible business practices Contact me via www.twitter.com/elainecohen   on Twitter or via my business website www.b-yond.biz  (Beyond Business Ltd, an inspired CSR consulting and Sustainability Reporting firm)

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